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THE WEEK BEFORE THE PERIOD:
Man, I’m seriously getting fat. Am I pregnant?!
FOUR DAYS-ISH BEFORE THE PERIOD:
OMFG I HATE EVERYTHING. WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE?! WHERE IS MY CAREER GOING?! That fucking girl just stared me down. Who does she think she is?! Nice skirt there, girl. Yeah, more like NOT-SKIRT. Haha. I’m hilarious. I’m so sad. I need to cry. *cries*. I’m not good enough for this world. WHY AM I SO FAT?!
TWO DAYS-ISH BEFORE THE PERIOD:
I have the weirdest craving for a grilled cheese with ice cream. I’M GOING TO EAT EVERYTHING, FUCKA GYM AND A DIET.
THE DAY OF THE PERIOD:
PRAAISE EVERYTHING I AM NOT PREGNANT!
THE SECOND DAY OF THE PERIOD:
Everything hurts. Why is my pelvis stabbing my stomach with a sword?! I’m going to bed and never leaving. My boobs. Oh geeze, my boobs. My boobs don’t fit in my bra, that’s great. Let’s just let these weights of pain take over the day, great. Mega excite. Ugh. Hate you.
THE THIRD DAY OF THE PERIOD:
Pant check. Ok, phew I’m good. Did I take out my last tampon!? Shit. Did I?! Get your food away from me, it smells awful. So horny. Where is my water?! So thirsty. DAMN THESE SWORDS.
THE FOURTH-FIFTH-ISH DAY OF THE PERIOD:
Almost home baby, almost home.
EVERY OTHER DAY:
I hope I’m not pregnant.